Why Is This Here?

Get In Touch

A site like this, with no clear identity and little clue why it even exists, naturally welcomes comments. Compliments, suggestions, insults, threats, all would be welcome. Maybe even invitations to search for buried treasure in Nigeria. Once day I might accept one of those.

A better idea, possibly, is if anyone would like submit some work of their own. Stories, poems, drawings, photos, anything would be considered. A special page will be set up for these if I actually receive anything. Have no fear that I’ll simply nick your work and pass it off as mine. I’m far, far too vain for that. No cash prize can be offered at this point. You’ll simply have to be content in bathing in my reflected glory.

Novels

FAQ's

1. Why in the name of God have you bothered with a web page?

Listen, in Patterdale there is a tiny village shop with a web site. It meticulously lists all the items they sell. Go to the shop, though, and you find that said items are only in stock if the owners have remembered to re-order them and haven’t grown hungry and eaten them. If they can have a site, so can I.

2. Some pages are slow to load. What can I do to increase my bandwidth?

You seem to have confused me with a geek. I can’t think how you made that mistake

3. What is the sound of one hand clapping?

It doesn’t make a sound. You need two hands to clap. One hand clapping is technically called a ‘wave’.

4. When the hell are you going to finish your bloody York Guide?

In time, in time.

5. OK, but you’ve taken me into the middle of sodding Heworth and not told me how to get out again.

Heworth has many nice guest houses. Just dig in and be patient.

6. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?

Seven