The basic monogamous marriage is still the most common in the Triple Cities. It is far less fixed than many other places, however. This is thanks to a variety of socio-religious influences and very lax legal control. Torgun families see marriage as sacrosanct, and sex and co-habitation outside as sinful. Things are more flexible for the majority though. Various legal reforms, beginning in the late 1100's and still continuing, have removed the concepts of patriarchy – the power of both the husband and the father – and illegitimacy (children with only one parent now have full citizenship and inheritance rights) from the statute books. Laws operate in terms of adult individuals rather than families/heads of households. Traditionally single women have always been allowed to pursue careers outside the home, though the ending of the subordination of married women is a more recent phenomenon.
Garran teachings are rather ambiguous regarding marriage and have been used to argue both for and against its pre-eminence. Ellan doctrines have been the more dynamic, both influencing and being rewritten by reformers over the past two centuries. Ellan ideas which have caused differences from the usual norms include:
Biogamous Marriages Traditionally these are sanctioned by the Ellan church and legally recognised. They have dipped in and out of style over the years and currently very unfashionable. Biogamous marriages are between two men and two women. They share the same household and bring up any children as their own. Sexual relations between each man and each woman are free. The Ellan church sees biogamous marriages as somewhat more unstable than monogamous ones, with suggestions that they should simply form a life stage (see below). Accordingly it annuls them rather more freely than it does the normal kind. The legal ramifications of such divorces can be horrendous, however. The state tends to favour traditional ideas of natural parents when deciding on custody and inheritance matters for the children of such couplings.
Life Stages Far more influential than biogamy, which remains a curiosity for non-Ellans. The notion of life stages have done a great deal to open up marriage norms. There are two strands. One is the argument that there is no single mode of life which is holier than others and no blueprint to follow. Each individual must find the path which is true to them. The second philosophy points out that the progression from youth to adult isn't the only change which a person experiences during their lives. Rather, there are various stages to pass through as one matures; and so the choice made at the onset of adulthood may not be correct for the rest of your life. Both these come together in a creed which encourages experimentation, both with different partners and different lifestyles (e.g. biogamy, celibacy, homosexuality) until the truest is found.
Mature Marriages Follows on from the life stage doctrine. After a couple's children are no longer dependent on them, each is encouraged to re-evaluate their lives. They should consider whether a partner, even one correct for earlier life, is the right one to remain with until death. If not, a new one should be sought. In accordance with this idea, the Ellan church gives easy divorces to couples whose children have just left home. Mature marriages have become widespread across Dorlaf, the most popular time for divorce and remarriage for Ellans and non-Ellans alike. Sometimes this is out of genuine search for happiness but economic, sexual and status factors also play a part. The practice has also been widely criticised from various quarters. Though the Ellan church claims the happiness of your partner should be as important a consideration as your own, mature marriages are often called a 'philanderer's charter.' Criticisms grew after the rule banning remarriage with anyone 5 or more years one's junior was removed and a host of old noblemen started shacking up with actresses.